Ahh. Where to start, where to start. So, I'm pretty transparent on youtube, and I try to be a very open book so that everyone who comes in contact with my channel feels welcome. I struggle to be this way on my blog, only because that's not my writing style. I write very... closed off. But I thought, I write to tell my story, and to share my thoughts, so I might as well be myself, and show the good the bad and the ugly.
One thing I've been really struggling with lately is the fact that I'm the classic case of a broke college girl. I come from a single income household, and a very small income at that. I have recently started to make my own money, but just enough to cover living expenses (such as gas for my car, gluten free food for my allergy, etc.) Not to mention the fact that I'm planning to move about 1,000 miles away from home. With all this stress comes the realization that I am unprepared. I'm financially, emotionally, physically and psychologically unprepared to make this move. It's risky, but that's why I need to do it.
I want to push myself and drive myself to be better than I am. I'm lucky enough to have the most amazing mother on the planet. Raising me was hard on her, but she never quit. She never let me took our struggles out on me, and she never made me feel like she regretted having me. It was tough getting me here. I want to repay her for everything she's done for me....I want to be able to show her a life without having to struggle, live pay check to paycheck, and a life without burden. I also want to give my children a stable house, a stable upbringing. I want to be able to know I can take care of them, god forbid, anything ever happened to me, my husband, or our marriage. For me, this is only attainable through hard work and dedication, I just wish it was.... more clear. I'm at this point where I know what I want to do, what I want to turn into my career- but I'm struggling to make it a reality. I know that one day, this struggle will pay off though.
I guess I'm just struggling to find my path, which is okay. It's okay to not see everything clearly. Steve Harvey said:
"There are many letters between A and Z. It's not important that you get directly from A straight to Z. However, it IS important that you start."